Who forgot the TV
Judy and I arrived in Seoul after a 9 hour plus flight from Sydney. I don’t like to complain but I have sent off a strongly worded missive to the Operations Director at Korean Air with a copy to the Head of Aircraft Sales 777-200 at Beoing in Seattle. It seems that between them they could not, as the saying goes, organise a Chook raffle.
Every other 777-200 I have flown in has had a TV screen set into the back of the seat in front. This allows one to watch 78 movies in 4 languages on demand and one can also listen to 317 CD’s.
Our plane had one movie screen on the bilk head with a black and white projector showing the film. Our two aforesaid managers when they, between them, made out the shopping list for the cabin of this plane remembered the toilets and the kitchen but forgot the entertainment system.
I humbly suggested that they might like to get a couple of blokes to bodgy up a couple of screens for seats 51 H & J ready for our trip home. Not much to ask, in my opinion. I even offered to lend them a couple of CD’s, if that would help. I will keep you posted.
A tour guide to warm to
Judy and I decided to go for a tour around the Secret Garden at a Royal Palace. An English guided tour was advertised to start at 11:30am. We were lined up in plenty of time. I am sure most of you know how I like to have a high degree of planning in my life.
Imagine my joy when the guide issued the instructions for the tour.
1. No smoking anywhere in the gardens.
2. No eating or drinking anywhere in the gardens. Judy was mid-way through a Muesli bar at the time. The guard took a lot of convincing that Judy should be allowed to finish it and not be sent to jail.
3. We had to prepare our entrance ticket by tearing off the detachable stub. This meant that all 20 of us could get through the gate quicker.
4. The last instruction was the best. “We are leaving for the 2 hour tour in 3 minutes at 11:28
I also had great joy when we were given 7 and 21 minute rest breaks during the tour. The gardens were beautiful and our guide spoke really good English. Sadly the tour did not finish on time, it was 4 minutes early. Next stop , Constantinople.
Turkey or Scotland
I did mention in an earlier edition that I feel that the festive Christmas bird (no not the Duck) was named Constantinople or we could have been eating a Scotland with Sage and Onion stuffing at Christmas.
I did mention above that I feel that the festive Christmas bird (no not the Duck) was named Turkey or we could have been eating a Scotland with Sage and Onion stuffing at Christmas.
Exam Question: Compare and Contrast Istanbul and Coffs Harbour
Answer:
The natives of both cities are really friendly.
The climate of both is not in any way extreme as they are both on the coast.
Tourism plays a large part of each’s economy.
Istanbul, however, has 39,271 carpet shops and Coffs has 4. The shop keepers in Coffs don’t have staff roaming the streets to highjack customers to entice them into their carpet shops. In Istanbul this is done politely with some tourist information or a philosophical discussion. Once inside the potential customers are offered Apple Tea (which is very tasty). In our experience based upon our purchase the carpet started at 2,400 TL, the first discount without trying was down to 1,400TL then bargaining to 900 and then 800 TL. Aus Dlr 590. This took 30 minutes including bargaining ploys. I bought out my seniors card and said I should get 10% further reduction as the card says I am nearly and old age pensioner. I still cannot believe that Judy gave in at this point so I was bargaining with the Judy as well as the shop-keeper. I have to say that I think we had nearly reached the right price but it would have been interesting to walk out of the shop to see if a further discount was forthcoming.
Population nearly the same, Coffs 60.000 and Istanbul officially 12 million but really nearer 18 million.
Istanbul straddles two continents namely Europe and Asia whereas Coffs is wholly in Australia.
Coffs taxi drivers use their meters and charge the fare displayed. We found that 50% of the taxi drivers we used i.e. 1 did not put on their meter for the ride in Istanbul. The driver tried to charge 26TL for a 5km ride. After a heated argument I gave him 5TL and left him. After the second journey I did have a twinge of conscience when I realised that the first ride should have been nearer 12TL. I am reminded of that old Coffs Harbour saying – He who tries to charge double taxi fare could lose big time.
So, I think is fair to say that Istanbul and Coffs have more in common that you would, at first sight, think.
Next;
Bursa in Asian Turkey – Hot springs and a trip to the mountains and Isnik which is famous for ceramics.
You cannot choose your masseur in the Venikaplica Bath at Kara Mustafa.
This is first hand advice borne out by my experience. The bath was built by Sultan Suleymanin around 1555 because, I suspect, he needed a wash. One of the Sultan’s sons was a amateur wrestler and Abdul, my masseur was, I am sure, a direct descendant. I asked Abdul if his lineage could be tracked back to the wrestler son but he did not understand the question.
If you saw Michael Palin on one of his adventures take a Turkish bath you will get some idea of the pain one endures although he did get off lightly.
The start is a sitting down drowning with buckets of water poured over the head. The locals seem to survive this without the bat of an eyelid. Australians cough and splutter whilst trying to think of the Turkish for [I don’t like getting my hair wet]
Next a course linen glove is used to remove all the loose skin on the body. It also removes a layer that was, in my view, not at all loose until Abdul and the glove came along.
Another dose of drowning by bucked followed. Now, lathering the dirt away with a bar of soap the size of 10 Cussons Imperial leather bars moulded together. I thought we could have skipped the lather stage as the skin it was washing had only been exposed to the air/dirt for about one and a half minutes. Prior to that time it was covered by a perfectly good layer of skin that Abdul had seen fit to remove with his sandpaper style glove.
Third time lucky more or less. I did not cough or splutter at the bucket downing this time. I was sadly a little late holding my breath and instead of air I sucked in water – 224mls was my guess. I tried to explain to Abdul that I was fine and just a little thirsty but he did not understand.
More soapy lather and a game of [Pull the joint out of the socket] I think I made a mistake of not learning the Turkish for [Would you like me to try and dislocate your shoulder] – I thought he said [You seem to be in pain] and that was why I nodded enthusiastically.
Although I did not realise it at the time we were on the home straight. The last trick was to try and lift me by the head but suddenly my joints all seemed to all fall back into place, I had my last bucket drowning and I was wrapped in 3 towels and left to dry. A shake of Abdul’s hand and I was clean, dry and importantly still alive.
I thought I had deserved to relax and so for a treat I went into the Sauna to be grilled at 55C – that was a walk in the park.
I mentioned earlier that the Turkish people are very welcoming and helpful. People go out of their way to make sure you get on the right bus and if you appear lost take you in hand.
Dinner for us the other evening in a family run cafe was no exception. Whilst strolling around Canakkale [Chan-na-kar-lay] yesterday afternoon we were encouraged by 3 of the staff of a clean and tidy cafe that we should have dinner there. I think what sealed the deal for Judy was the mention of Calamari.
So, at around 6 om, we ventured in. The owner gave us a tour of the dishes on offer. He saw that we could not decide so he suggested that we should leave it to him. Judy put in a bid for Calamari and fresh fish.
The staff consisted of the owner, his wife 2 waitresses and a waiter. To say that the service was attentive does not do it justice. The table had to be rearranged with drinks and bread moved
to the side so as to display the first course to best advantage.
The first course was a mixture of vegetables cooked in the Turkish style and served with yogurt. There were beans, eggplant, tomatoes and ochre. As each plate was put back on the table empty it was whisked away.
Next came the Calamari cooked in butter. Judy received a flower in a vase and I received a back massage.
Last was whole fish with tomatoes and a lettuce salad. The fish was really, really fresh. The fish bones were fed to the cat – he seemed as happy as we were at the treat.
Judy was offered the flower to take away and we agreed it twas the best meal of the holiday so far.
So, when you visit Canakkale you should eat at TUANA in the Clock Tower square.
A quiet meali
For the next diner we selected a quiet cafe just 2 doors from the hotel. It seated in the region of 50 diners and there was one table already occupied. We chose our dishes and sat down for a quiet meal. Then the door opened and a family came in and then another and another until I couned 46 people in all.I don’t know if it was a coach outing or a mosque outing but they filled the cafe all the same. All of them ate lenal soup followed by meat balls and rice with either coke cola or tea. After 15 minutes they all left and there were just 2 tables occupied in the cafe again.
Tourist Diploma – Advanced catching a taxi – Practical.
I am not sure if you are familiar with this dipoma coursei It was considered essenial to the maximum enjoyment when holidayng in Northern Ireland and it is still considered an aid when visiting Bangkok and most of Afganistan and Iraq.
I had already passed the written paper with a good mark. One question on it had me stumped momentarily but I gave it my best shot.
Q: How can you make a txi driver drive faster.
My A:
Ask him if he has stopped beating his wife yet.
Hand him a copy of the local highway code and ask him if he has read it..
I think you get the drift.
Now to my practical.
The exam is in 3 parts.
1. Conduct getting to the taxi line
2. Deaing with a taxi tout.
3. The taxi driver exchange.
Sections 2 and 3 carry the most marks.
So you see my test started as soon as the ferry docked from Bandirma.
Section 1 – getting to the queue
Marks are awarded for the way you get to the txie queue.
Good use of the elbows are rewarded as are running over people’s feet with your suitcase.
I should note that are rules dictate what you must have with you. You are allowed only one suitcase – it must have wheels and weigh a maximum of 23 kgs. No knives, daggers or spears are allowed to be fixed to the wheels (as in the Roman Chariot races)
Section 2 – the taxi tout
This section did not allow much scope for me to shine. The dialog:
Me: Hold out hotel addres and ask cost.
TT: 40 TL
Me: Laugh and say no offered 10TL
TT: No – taxi ride very long – 25TL
Me: 10 TL
TT: Bus ride 2 by 4TL
Me: No deal
Section 3 – The taxi queue.
I have to say I think I gained full marks for section 3. Read on…
Taxi Driver 1 (TD1): Where to
Me: Hold out address
TD1: 20 TL
Me: No deal
TD2: Where to
Me: Hold out address
TD2: 20 TL
Me: 10 TL
TD2: 20TL
Me: 15TL
TD2. Open door and loads 2 suitaces into the boot.
You will, I am sure , be wondering why this exchange which was OK but not remarkable let me to think that I gained maximun marks. Well, patient reader all will be revealed.
We had only gone 800 meters down the 3 lane highway when all the traffic stopped. We took 15 minutes to move the next 100 meters past a road accident. You see, if the driver had started his taxi meter rather than negotiating a fixed price he would have been paid 30 or more TL
I have since learnt that the examiners suspected that I paid someone to step out in front of the car that stopped suddenly and cauded the accident.
I was flabbergahsted at such a suggestion. In fact, I can’t remember when my gahst had been so flabbered.
So, I hope you have enjoyed reading my account of the practical. We are now safely back in Istanbul and leave for further adventures at the end of the week.
Bye for now.
Bazza and Jude
A Coffs Harbour man was allegedly looking for an ice cream shop when he took a wrong turn. He ended up at the top of Scafell Pike – England’s highest mountain. When interviewed, Mr Barry Hunt who resides with his long suffering wife Judy in Coffs Harbour Northern NSW in Australia and is nearly an old age pensioner, said “It was a mistake anyone could make”
Now, my faithful readers I will tell you the real story behind my climb up England’s highest mountain at 3,209 feet.
My erstwhile good friend Jeremy Hopkins was the support team leader. He was manning the phones and radios at base camp at 153 feet. This was set up in the National Trust Car Park at Wasdale Head. The phone communication consisted of his mobile phone on the O2 network which did not have coverage but that did not matter as my phone battery was flat. This meant that we had to rely on radio for our sole communications. Here we also had a slight problem as we only had the car radio and it, of course, did not transmit. It only received BBC Radio 2. Jeremy said that the choice of records on Housewives choice was not up to much either.
I left base camp at 9:50am with Jeremy who climbed along side me to Camp 1 at 287 feet. As I departed camp1 and Jeremy I thought a long speech was not appropriate so I just shook Jeremy’s outstretched hand and said “I may be gone some time”. His reply surprised me somewhat as he said “Good, I have got time to go to the pub then” I am sure Sir Edmund Hillary did not have to put up with this when he climbed Everest.
Judy’s unfailing support got me to the top. Her words were a constant inspiration to me. I can remember them clearly. “You’re daft, you’ll fall off that mountain and don’t come running to me if you die”.
I climbed steadily without a break until I reached the summit 2 hours and 20 minutes later. I must say I felt an affinity with Eddy (as Sir Edmund is known to his inner circle of friends) We were both the highest people in our respective countries, me in England at 3,209 feet and Eddy in Nepal at 29,029. We both ate Kendal Mint Cake on our respective summits. I cannot find any evidence that he ate a Melton Mowbray Cocktail Pork Pie with Branston Pickle. I would not like to downgrade his achievement but I did reach my summit without the use of oxygen. My descent was very difficult and my little leggies let me down more than once as I stumbled a few times.
I should tell you first that the major indecent I am about to relate happened within sight of base camp (and Jeremy who was saving his eyes for use later by closing them) I fell down and sustained a serious injury. I fought back the pain and somehow managed to get to base camp (Judy’s inspirational words helped) I must say I was disappointed not to be met by a welcoming committee or any members of the press. I must say Jeremy promptly summoned the paramedics and the Air Ambulance was soon landing. I should like to report they flew me to Keswick Base Hospital without delay but I cannot.
The nurses were initially very concerned about my injuries – I could see blood on my knee and some bone sticking out of my leg. Their manner changed when they dressed my wounded knee with a sticking plaster and removed what was a piece of Kendal Mint Cake and not protruding bone after all. I had strong words with the doctor when he called me a daft old man who should know better at my age. I told him I was not at my age I just looked older. In my defence Kendal Mint Cake stuck to the leg looks a lot like protruding bone when you are in shock by nearly grazing your knee.
On the positive side the guide books described the Scafell Pike climb as hard and a round trip of 5hrs 30 mins. I did it in 4hrs 20 mins.
I must thank all those who made my climb possible by their support. It is not just one man who climbs a mountain and stands on the summit, there is a whole team that stands behind him.
My wife Judy for her inspirational words. “You’re daft, you’ll fall off that mountain and don’t come running to me if you die”.
Jeremy Hopkins for manning the phones and radios at the base camp and the Wasdale Head Inn.
The Air Ambulance doctors and nurses.
The 17 climbers who helped me when I got lost 13 times.
The members of the Academy
The Bondi Surf Life Savers.
The Black Dyke Mills Brass Band
Well all good things must come to an end and so also must my journals for this trip.