I am sure it will not surprise you to learn that I have gone off, again. This time it is a week in Mumbai and 3 weeks in the UK to help my longtime friend, Jeremy celebrate a significant birthday. I should not reveal his age especially as he is 70. Oops! Sorry Jezza.
Those dreaded words, “Come this way, Sir” especially at the Immigration desk departing from Sydney. I heard them because my passport had been flagged as being tampered with. Luckily it turned out to have got damp when we were in Spain so it had a bit of a high water mark.
I have frequently been reminded why I love to fly with Qantas. It started while I was waiting to board. I was sitting in departure lounge 34 minding my own business when a verbal battle broke out between some Chinese people who were so loud that I could not hear the announcements. Being somewhat deaf, daft and silly does not help. I decided to move to a seat next to the gate so that when people boarded I would ‘mingle’ and this ploy did not rely on ears that do not work at full volume.
The check in clerk had to print a passenger manifest and I immediately recognized the familiar sound of an OKI Microline 320 printer. I was programming those in the late 80’s; they were the printer of choice back then. The familiar sound comes from the fact that it is a dot matrix printer. I could not resist the temptation to tell the clerk how old they were. It was a bit of a worry that Sydney airport relied on gear at least 25 years old.
Anyway, we had a pleasant conversation and I continued to wait. When it came time to board, the boarding of First and Business class passengers was announced, my friendly clerk asked me to board also, great.
The next Qantas moment came when I was offered and extra bottle of white wine with my diabetic meal. OK, I know, I know. I love flying Qantas, the flight crew are good friendly Aussies, it makes a difference when you are off to or coming from a foreign land.
The flight from Singapore to Mumbai with Jet Airways was memorable. After sitting in the plane at the gate for 15 minutes waiting to leave, the captain made an announcement. The company that refueled the plane had made a mistake and put in too much. Now, you might say,” Well, never mind, that just means put in less for the return flight”. That works with a car but would not be so good if the car had to leave the ground and fly at 38,000 feet. The extra fuel added extra weight and so the plane would not be able to leave the ground. This meant that there were limited options.
1. Go by road. Not a good choice as I am sure you spotted, there are quite a few low bridges between Singapore and Mumbai.
2. Lessen the weight of the plane by removing:
a. People – a quick solution but where do you put the people when they are off the plane. Also, not much point in flying a passenger plane to Mumbai without any passengers and just luggage. I think the clue is in the name, “Passenger plane”
b. Luggage – again quick but same storage issue.
c. Excess fuel
The pilot came back and told us that the fuel company had agreed to pump out the excess fuel. He said it would take 40 minutes. Now, I don’t know how much extra fuel we had on board and it may have been a coincidence but I did see a technician with a bucket, length of hosepipe and some mouthwash.
Mumbai fun
It started when I arrived at the hotel at 1:15am. I was shown to my room by the night porter; I immediately spotted the air conditioning set to 20C and no remote to change it. His solution was interesting, he offered to come back later in the morning and change the temperature. I did not explore whether he would keep popping back as I got too hot or cold or hot again. I refused his kind offer and requested he find a remote control. After he left I realized that the inside door handle was not fixed to the door, it was resting on the door. So, door handle – not fit for purpose. That was too much so I went back to reception and the night receptionist offered to move me to another room. This was good as the new room had been renovated. It had a door handle that was fixed to the door and a remote control that controlled and changed the temperature.
I finally got to bed at 2am and had 3 blissful hours sleep before I awoke wide awake at 5am. This was after being awake for 24 hours continuously. Isn’t jet lag a wonderful thing?
A bargainer’s paradise
The Gateway to India, a stone arch where the British came and went in the days that travel by sea was the norm. First the East Indian Company raised and army and ran India and latterly Queen Victoria and her descendants had a go at forming India PLC. The last British troops left through the gate in 1947.
It is one of the tourist spots that must be photographed. This I was doing when I was offered more than once some postcards of Mumbai sights at some cost, when they were rejected, I was offered a map, again at a cost. (These are obtainable free from the tourist office). Again when rejected, the last offer was to do my laundry. I awarded him full marks for trying.
One young fellow was a cut above the rest as he engaged me in conversation. When at stage 2, I rejected the map I showed him my GPS with a Mumbai map showing. He said that technology was doing him out of a job. I looked at his postcards and they were really good photos. So I asked how much, they were 200 Rupees. So, here was my first chance to bargain. I offered 50 Rupees; we went back and forth until the price became 50 Rupees.
I paid him the money and asked how much profit he made, he said each card cost him 3 Rupees so he made 50 – (11 * 3) = 17 Rupees. He was happy, we had a good chat and I was happy with the cost. I had bought 11 great postcards for Aus $0.93.
You know you are an Aussie in a foreign land when…..
You thank a waiter who speaks English for “A good meal with good service” and he gets a colleague over to translate. The colleague says in English with an Indian accent “A good meal with good service”! Now my waiter understands and smiles.
I am now an official curiosity
I arrived from a trip from up county into the main Mumbai station. CST. Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus (CST), formerly Victoria Terminus (VT), is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It was built to celebrate the golden jubilee of Queen Victoria in 1887. Maybe, up country is a bit grand as I only went up and back 5 stations. It was early afternoon when I came back and I let 3 trains go as they were full then I realized that was the norm. In the rush hour a train designed for 1,700 people carries 9,000. Anyway, the exterior of the station building is so grand I wanted to take some photos. When I had finished an Indian man came up and wanted to take my photo, I happily agreed and then he, 4 ladies and I posed for a shot taken by a young lad. Not to be outdone I took a shot of them. Before I could move away I man came up with a Nikon brochure and asked my advice about the Nikon 7100. I read the specs and told him the good points. It is all in a day’s work for an Aussie tourist.
Indian 24 hour rule explained
I am very particular where I eat in Indian hence my creation of the 24hour rule. It goes like this. You find a clean looking restaurant, preferably with at least one westerner in it. You select a meal that is wholly cooked. No fresh ingredients like lettuce etc. These could be washed in Ebola water. You eat the meal and if 24 hours later all the points below are satisfied then your meal has passed the 24 hour rule.
1. You are not dead.
2. You do not have,
1. A fever
2. Hallucinations
3. Any skin colour other than while, pink or light brown.
3. You have not spent any time laying in a gutter.
4. Nobody has asked you where it hurts.
Having passed the 24 hour rule you then eat every subsequent meal out in the same restaurant for the rest of your stay in the city.
My choice is Café Mondegar at Metro House, 5-A, SBS Road, Near Regal Cinema, Colaba, Mumbai. I did not realise when I first found it that it is recommended in the Lonely Planet guide. It has a juke box which provides music that anyone over 26 has never heard of. It has also passed the more strenuous 48 hour rule.
Bombay Fever
I think I may have it, what do you think?
The reason I say this is that I have some, if not all, the symptoms.
1. Because there are no pedestrian crossings, you cross the road where you can. Stop lights are not completely obeyed. Rarely, for example, by motorcycles. So I cross the road into the flow of traffic when it slows a little, just like the locals. One has a fatalistic approach so you believe that cars will slow or swerve around you. It helps that there are lots of religions here in India so there is more than one deity looking out for you.
2. When someone asks you a question you say yes and wave you head from side to side like a python coming out of a basket.
3. You think that Aus $5 is too expensive for a leather belt.
Barry’s new shoes
I think I may be losing my bargaining touch. I had decided that I should go and visit the Taj Mahal Hotel which is 100 meters along the road from the Sea Palace where I am staying (with a sea view), here in Mumbai. It is a 5 star hotel in India and generally regarded as the best hotel in the country. It costs over Aus$1,700 for their better rooms.
I thought I would find out what bars there were to have a drink in so on my morning walk armed (well footed actually) with a new pair of walking shoes and clean undies (My Mum always taught me to wear clean undies in case you get run over) I went inside. I find the best way to combat the fear of being found out is to act as if you have shares in the hotel. So, I went into the reception area with 8 receptionists and 3 bell-boys and numerous chairs and lounges to sit on, I saw the Manager seated behind a table. I strode up, we shook hands, and I asked if he had a rooftop bat. That area was alas fine dining but they had the Sea Lounge overlooking the harbour. I said I would be back. In order to honor my promise I felt I should dress in long trousers, dark blue, a long sleeve shirt (both of which I possessed) and a pair of black shoes, which I did not.
So today I went out in search of a pair of black shoes, these I found at a street vendor stall. The man, who had owned the stall for over 40 years, showed me a selection of 5 shoes in my size. I chose a pair and then the bargaining began. I got him down from 900 rupees to 700 but he would not budge below that. I only wanted to pay 600. So I thanked him and went in search again. Well, I could not find a better paid so the last thing before I returned to my hotel was to visit him again. The moment he saw me he said the shoes were still 700. I smiled and we shook hands on 700. He carefully wrapped them in an old newspaper and I did wear the shoes to the Taj.
I sat happily in the reception area looking at the rich people coming and going. I did look at the open air pool, the Harbourside bar, all the shops, Louis Viton etc. and the Sea lounge. I did not buy a drink as there were no prices displayed and I only had Aus $60 on me.
My new black shoes were very comfortable and I thought they certainly looked worth more than the Aus $12.97 I paid for them.
The interesting people you meet at the cricket.
India is in love with cricket, they have a TV station that shows nothing else. Today, my last day in Mumbai, I decided to watch a match at the University oval. There were around 50 to choose from. Most were formal games with scorers but the players had street clothes. I chose a match where the players were dressed in white. I sat on the grass on the boundary. Soon I was talking to one of the fielders; he was the opening batsman for his side who were currently fielding.
We chatted about cricket, I gave him some advice on how to lose weight and I wished him well. Later whilst spectating at another match I talked to a pilot who worked for British Airways. He was taking the flight back to Heathrow this evening, at the same time as it happens as my flight with Jet Airways. Just think, if I had been flying with BA, I would have been given an upgrade to Business class.
I did check on the cost of upgrading my flight with Jet Airways, it was over $500 and I could not justify the expense. But, very kindly, the Jet Airways supervisor blocked the two seats next to me so that I had a row to myself.
I can never work out whether the numerous kindnesses I experience are due to:
1. My extreme good looks or
2. My good manners and sense of humor or
3. A desire to get rid of me as quickly as possible.