Well dear readers it is that time of year when the thoughts of one who is nearly an old age pensioner turn to travel. Now, most sane and sensible people would pop into town for a newspaper but I have decided to go further afield. So, this little trip will take in Sydney, Singapore, India, UK and Hong Kong. I have only been planning it for a mere nine months. I don’t suppose anything of note will happen but in the unlikely event that it does I will let you know.
Nothing has gone wrong yet unless …
That is unless you count missing the plane out of Coffs Harbour. I can put forward various theories as to why this happened.
The first is that Virgin Blue canceled the flight on which I was originally booked. This was only done a mere three weeks before I was due to start the holiday. Hardly any time to readjust to the changed schedule.
The second theory is that I did not allow any time to get to get to the airport. I left home at the time I was due to get on the plane. Now, you might think this is a trifle strange, but you should realize that when you live in Coffs Harbour you don’t need to allow any time for traffic jams as they just don’t exist.
I have another four good theories but they are even less convincing than the two above so l will just leave it at that. I was able to catch a later flight so no harm done if you don’t count my dented pride.
The flight I did catch was not uneventful because just as the flight attendant had nearly reached the end of the safety briefing a lady at the back of the plane decided she did not want to go to Sydney and rose to leave. The staff found her a flight of stairs, her luggage from the hold and we were away in a matter of hours. There must be a rule at Virgin Blue that says if you don’t finish the safety briefing then you can’t carry on from where you got to but you have to do the whole lot all over again. It appears that our flight attendants abide by the rules.
Sydney town
I stayed the night in a motel at Edgecliff. This is a suburb that is situated next to Bondi Junction. So for my morning walk I decided to walk to the junction and on down to Bondi. This satisfied my obsession of walking 5.68 kms each day. (The distance from our old flat in Bondi down to the end of the promenade and back) My obsession also demands that I do this every day without fail. I am currently on a total of 1924 days of walking without a break. But dear readers I digress, I spent a pleasant time watching the surf. I am not as good a surf watcher as Judy but I do know to throw in a few meaningful terms like washing machine, right handers and left handers. So next on the list was to buy an internet tablet, I am writing this newsletter on it now. A very useful device as it can play music, take photos, display books for you to read and do a host of other very useful tasks. It is a big brother to the latest intelligent mobile phones.
Sydney to Singapore
I flew this leg of the trip on a Qantas Airbus A380, it was a good trip as none of the engines fell off. Although to be fair the fault, a few months ago was not that of Qantas, the problem was with Rolls Royce, a hole drilled in a piece of metal was not drilled straight and as a result a good part of one engine fell off over Bali.
The entertainment system on the plane was out of this world, the flight was not long enough to count how many movies, shows and music albums were stored in the system.
What is the best time to get lost?
In my view the best time is after midnight. Let me explain, if you have as I do, that is, to walk a set distance each day then the best time of day to get lost is after midnight. This means that every metre you walk will go towards tht new days quota. I have this habit of going along the right road but in totally the wrong direction. I can happily cover many kilometers in that way.
Bangkok in transit
Question:
When do you know that you have left your trouser belt on the xray scanner.
Answer:
When your trousers fall down on the escalator.
A tip, it is best to try and take your belt with you as you are faced with a few problems trying to go around again through the scanner. See return methods below.
Method 1. Run down the escalator while it is going up. This is somewhat difficult as there are other people going the other way.
Method 2. Wave at the security officials to make then understand that they should hold on to your belt as you will return. (Tip, leave your belt in a county that has it’s first language as English.)
Next, find a lift and try to gain entry to the security area again.
Convince the officials that you have come round again to collect your belt. Optionally, make gestures that include raising and lowering your trousers. This is best done with a member of the same sexual group as yourself. e.g. I would try to do the raising and lowering in front of a man.
I chose method number 2 and I am happy to report that trousers and belt have been reunited with the belt once more carrying out its essential support role.
Well that is, I hope, the only event of note in Thailand.
Oh! Dear how much I know. Since writing the last words of wisdom I have had some fun. We got on the plane bound for new delhi and waited for the ground staff to fix a small mechanical problem. Eventually the captain told us that one engine had a crack in it and that there was no replacement part in Bangkok, the nearest part was in Hong Kong. It would arrive at midnight. So to cut a long story short after much waiting and unintelligible announcements we were booked on to a Philippines airlines flight which leaves at 10:30pm. It is due in to New Delhi at 1am
Next on the list is New Delhi.
1. It behoves me to give you some useful advice when taking an bicycle rickshaw ride in New Delhi.
2. How to buy a pair of shoes in the largest shoe store in Delhi
3. Why the foreign tourist in New Delhi is always wrong
A user’s guide to the bicycle rickshaw in Delhi.
If you show the driver i.e. the man at the front doing all the work, an address written down you should conduct a short reading test. In my experience it is not good enough that he nods and drives off. He will quite happily take you to the New Delhi railway station mistaking it for the Cottage Industry emporium. One has big trains and the other woven baskets, an easy mistake you say. They are also 30 minutes apart.
If this happens to you, etiquette demands that instead of the $1 originally agreed upon for the 30 minute trip you double your offer.
You are now having a one hours ride around much of New Delhi. This is especially true if you beat him down from $ 4 in the first place.
Now, turning to headgear suitable for the ride.
If the rickshaw has a metal framed awning over the passenger area the best headgear is a construction site hard hat. This will lessen the amount of brain damage sustained when driving at full speed into potholes.
When traffic is at a stand still and the driver decides to go in the opposite you should get out of the seat while he pushes the rickshaw over the median strip. If you have driven a particularly hard bargain you may decide to lift the front wheel while he lifts the passenger cabin.
On no account offer to cycle to give him a rest as even though he has match-sticks for legs and, he can move the rickshaw with a load of 90
+ kilos with no gears, you could not move it with no passenger, down
hill with a following force 9 gale.
Those passengers who are completely spineless will enjoy the ride the most. Those with any backbone will have it reduced to rubble. (For the explanation see the reason for hard hat use given above).
Buying shoes at the largest shoe shop in Delhi.
Firstly you will notice that half the 16 million residents of Delhi are in the shop.
Next, the shoes on display will be the right size for a height challenged midget.
The assistant will look at your feet and instantly know what size you take.
He will go to the middle of the store and shout up an airconditioning vent in the ceiling.
A pair of shoes of the right size will be thrown through the hole at the speed of sound, these he will expertly catch. (No wonder that India won the cricket world cup) You will try on the shoes which will fit and you queue for up to 30 minutes to pay a rediculously small amount of money for them.
Some observations upon the rules of the road in India
At roundabouts traffic can go either way round, no need to observe the direction arrows.
Where a road is divided by a median strip, it is OK to go down the other side of the road against the on coming traffic if this is quicker.
At a rail level crossing, when the boom gates are lowered, the traffic should fill up all the lanes on both sides of the road. This is to be done on both sides of the track. When the boom gate is raised it will take 20 minutes to clear the traffic jam. It seems necessary to continuously sound the horn whilst it is clear that no one can move.
If you are driving a tractor that gets a puncture, it is OK to leave the tractor in the middle of the road, take the wheel off and go and get it fixed.
Cows cause the best traffic jams. Dogs and donkeys come second.
Unarmed scam combat.
You can easily recognize the start of a scam as the person trying to fleece you will start by asking which country you are from.
As this is a scam there is no need to go into detail. For example, when asked in which city you live, it is OK to say you’r from Sydney, you don’t have to say Coffs Harbor. White lies are, in this instance, acceptable.
A classic scam happens at the train station, someone armed with a badge that looks a lot like a Video Eze card, will tell you that your internet ticket has to be exchanged for a real ticket. He will want you to go to his travel agency and try to delay you long enough to miss the train. He will then sell you a coach ticket. This, by the way, did not happen to me as I ignored the man totally and he soon gave up.
On the street you are approached by anyone and everyone trying to sell you a taxi, bicycle or auto rickshaw ride. You will always be going in the wrong direction or to an inferior place, place hotel or temple.
There is a very effective way of dealing with this unwanted attention.
You hold up your hand palm facing toward the unwanted attention.
The action is the same as that adopted by policemen of the 1950’s stopping traffic.
It is not, by the way, required to say ‘ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, what’s all this then or bend your knees.
Breaking the rules
I think it if appropriate to break the rules of writing newsletters and comment on the the sights I have seen.
In Agra I spent a couple of hours at the Taj Mahal.
The first sight I got of the monument took my breath away. I was not prepared for the stunning beauty of the buildings. The photographs do not do then justice by any means. The whole setting of the Taj is just magic.
Indian railways are wonderful.
Some would say I am not fit to be let out on my own; there is some truth in the statement.
There is a valid excuse for my mistake. I have a summarized travel itinerary, today it said catch a train at 10:50 am. This turned out to be version 1. It should have read catch a train at 7: 40 am. You can imagine my dismay when I arrived at the station at 10: 00 and read the departure board to find that the train’s scheduled departure was 2: 20 minutes before.
This is where Indian railways are so wonderful; the train was running late and eventually left at 11: 10.
I am sat on a bed in a two tier carriage with a cubical that has two lower and two upper bunks. We are due to arrive at Jaipur at 4: 30 pm.
In true Indian style, there are meant to be four people in our area but others come and go. At present we are six with two extra people on top bunks. Correction we are now seven as the extra man who has been with us for most of the journey has returned, the three extras have had a heated discussion but peace has been restored. Again I spoke too soon as the conductor has come past and the discussion has been reignited. Dare I say peace has broken out with the two factions taking different bunks?
There was never so much entertainment as this on the Bondi to Central trains in Sydney. The current estimate is Jaipur at 5: 00 pm. By the way I have now had my ticket checked 3 times, twice within 10 minutes by the same man. The second time he came down the corridor looking for me specifically. He said “Are you Barry, when I said yes he asked for my ticket and being happy went away again. Curious.
For some reason I have, more than once, been asked to pose next to Indian children to have my photo taken by their parents.
The only reason I can think of is that they mistake me for that other Australian Mel Gibson. Who, at the back, said “More like Quasimodo?”
Exam question: Compare and contrast walking in Jaipur and Coffs Harbour
In both cities the locals say hello in addition in Jaipur you are frequently asked which country you are from. It is not relevant to ask the question in coffs as we probably only get a few percent of overseas visitors.
The best time to walk in both places is just after sunrise. This is particularly so in Jaipur as the daytime temp. in April is over 40 ° C Checking what is under foot is also important in both places. India does not have much grass so the pavements have to be checked for the dung of cows, camels, horses and dogs plus any dead dogs. Coffs on the other hand is only troubled with the dog dung and then it is usually only from the dog that lives opposite the entry to Jensen close on Bicknell drive. The dog regularly gets done by the mobiles dog shampoo truck but his owner seems incapable of picking up his poo.
(By the way – I am wiring this part on a long distance coach from Jaipur to Delhi and we have stopped in the middle of a three lane highway to wait while a man with a small paint pot and brush paints four inch crosses on the road.
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